Ground Hog Day

Is every day the same for you? Are you single and desiring love in your life, yet every day you see the same types of people? Do you experience the same conversation only with different people? Do you have the same disappointing outcome each time you socialise? Are you repeatedly asking ‘where are all the good ones hiding?’. If this is you, then I encourage you to make a change.

All too often I hear this story. People telling me it isn’t them that is the problem but the lack of opportunities to meet suitable people. Yet when presented with suitable people, there is always something wrong with them. They don’t believe these people are suitable. They are looking for someone better. These same people would (if I gave them the chance) spend hours sharing a very well rehearsed story, the same story each time, that they are simply looking for an equal and cant find anyone they consider an equal. That this man or this woman is not their equal and that this person has …. (fill in the blank) wrong with them. This person is so attached and stuck in their victim story that I believe I will be hearing the same story from them in ten years time. Sadly I have already heard the same story told to me from the same people 3 or even 4 years apart. These people have wasted 4 years by being so attached to their victim story that they are continuing setting themself up to prove themself right. Their story protects them from having to look in the mirror and see what is truly there.

OK so it is hard to look in the mirror and identify something about yourself that is displeasing. It can be painful and very frightening owning something negative about yourself. Yet, this is one of the most important steps you can take to start to experience a different outcome. By looking in the mirror and considering what could be done differently, you are on your way to achieving what you have never achieved before.

It could be that you have unrealistic expectations of a fantasy person who does not exist. If you don’t change this thinking, you will be single forever (which is fine if this is what you want). It could be you need to deal with ageism where you find it difficult to be attracted to someone your own age and so desiring to meet a partner 15 or 20 years younger is making it extremely difficult to find happiness. Or you need to look at what you truly are bringing to the table in a potential relationship where you believe you are such a great prize that everyone should want to have you as a partner and yet the reality is you are not in demand. It could be that you are not projecting a warm connective energy that has others feeling safe in your company therefore blocking the chance of engaging with new and interesting people. It could be that you are projecting only a sexual energy that is not enabling you to have a heartfelt connection with another. It could be that you are feeling unlovable or unworthy and so you are demonstrating self sabotaging behaviour that proves you right and unlovable therefore denying you the chance to have a relationship. It could be that you are protecting your heart from being hurt again and so you are projecting out an arrogance and hardness that only attracts the game players to you and again denies you the chance to connect successfully with another. It could be your fear of failure that has you only see unsuitable partners to protect you from finding someone suitable and then having the relationship fail. It could be that you are seeing only those who you believe are beneath you socially as you desire a partner to validate your social success to the world. It could be that you are looking for a partner to make you feel complete when what is missing is you giving yourself the love you need to complete yourself as no-one will ever be able to complete you, only you complete you.

There are so many reasons to stop and look in the mirror. We all have so much to learn about our self and it is often through relationships or lack of relationships that we learn the most valuable and helpful stuff to make us happy. Start by being brave and being honest with yourself. If you cant own your own stuff then any relationship you have is going to be one that is destined to have a lot of problems in it.

Be brave, look at the person in the mirror. Own what is potentially not working for you. Take the time to reframe your thinking. Step into the now realising that the past is the past and does not need to be the future. If you change your thinking, you change your energy. If you change your energy your change how the world sees you. If you change how the world sees you, you change what is attracted to you. If you change what is attracted to you, you get a different result. Bingo! It’s no longer ground hog day.

Enjoy this day as the unique moment it is. Make the change to enable you to create the day your desire. One that is different from yesterday.

Yours in love

Jane, Social 8 Adelaide

Second Chances

The old saying ‘you wont get a second chance’ is so often not accurate. When a situation arises that has an opportunity ending perhaps for some prematurely, it can appear that you have ‘blown it’. Yet time and time again, a similar opportunity presents itself giving you the opportunity to see if you have grown and how the opportunity will be taken this time. Second chances are exciting. They give a valuable opportunity to see if you can do it different, better, with more love this time around.

Facing your fear is important with second opportunities. It is a valuable time to look at what could be done better. Hopefully if enough time has past, you will have acknowledged the gift from the situation the first time so you can embrace this gift. By doing so will step you into your authentic power enabling you to be the person you perhaps wanted to be the first time around. A second opportunity is a time to look at and acknowledge how different you are today from last time. It is realising that while the opportunity may appear similar, everyone and thing involved is actually different which really means that the outcome is highly likely to be different this time around. No two situations are identical yet the desired opportunity and outcome can be the same.

By realising that each opportunity is a fresh and new opportunity and by not placing the expectation of past fears or failures onto this opportunity will help you go a long way to obtaining a different result. Hopefully one that pleases you and brings you great joy and happiness. Watch for the ego remembering the past hurt or pain from the past situation. Your ego will be quick to protect you from repeating this hurt and may attempt to sabotage your chances of success this time around. That little voice in your head or the automatic reactions that are coming from the past memory of this similar situation need to be addressed to ensure you don’t experience the same outcome.

If you find the voice in your head undermining your sense of self worth at this time write a list of how you are different now. Remind yourself of the skills and experience you have since acquired that place you in a different position in the now. Or if you find the memory of the past painful, take one final visit down memory lane to look at why it is still hurting. Search hard for the gift in the learning that perhaps you have yet to embrace. It could be that the past gift was one of neediness that now has been removed and replaced with wholeness. Or it could be one of pleasing others which has been replaced now with pleasing yourself. Or it could be one of deserving which has been replaced with desiring. Or it could be one of validation which has been replaced with completeness. There are so many gifts to be found in each and every situation. Once you embrace the learning, the gift, you are well on your way to experiencing a whole different scenario this time around.

Grab every second chance you get (yes the third and the forth chance come too) knowing that you are a different person in a different situation that is reflecting some past experience to you and giving you a welcome and valuable chance to embrace life and all it has to offer. And let’s face it, if your worst fear does play out, the fear of being hurt again or not succeeding to your expectations, learn from it, grab the gift and feel confident that a third or fourth chance will come along again. And the next time, you once again can work on growing knowing the experience is a unique one that is just for you to experience in the now.

Grow in confidence and achieve all that your heart desires.

yours in love, Jane, Social 8 Adelaide

Can you hear a new story and consider it?

Being open to hearing a new story, a new way of thinking, a new way of behaving or a new way of connecting is one of life’s best tools to grow and achieve greater happiness. It delights me to see so many people hear a new concept for the very first time and be willing to give it a go. But what about those who are shut down to new ideas? If you find yourself instantly dismissing a new idea as not suitable or silly or a waste of time, are you shutting down new opportunities to grow? Are you really highlighting an area that you have a blockage to? Could it be that you are forming fast opinions based on reactionary behaviour out of habit?

It is fascinating how often people will ask for advice yet be closed to them receiving a different opinion, advice or idea? When asking for advice are you open or really looking for a gang of people to support you in your judgement? Do you find your self talk being ‘if he or she agrees with me then I must be right? Do you gather followers around you to make you feel secure or do you find yourself drawn to those with differing opinions giving you a valued opportunity to further examine that which you are considering?

A lovely old saying of ‘if you don’t really want to know, then don’t ask’ is a good guideline to follow if you find yourself protective of your thoughts or opinions. At various times it is important to hold our thoughts or opinions close to us if they are new ones you are trying on to see if they give you greater happiness. However if your goal is to find new ways to do things that will bring you greater happiness, then be open to hearing new stories. New ways of doing things. You don’t need to form an opinion straight away, however it is very healthy to hear and learn alternative ways of doing things. By being open to new stories you are presenting new ways to yourself that can be considered for the future. It gives valuable opportunities to give greater clarity to what you find does and does not work for you. It can cement your views in the now or it could give you ideas for the future that may work.

Be open to new ideas, views and stories. Change is a natural part of life. Believing one way today is perfect. Being open to believe something different tomorrow is the gift of life. Enjoy the variety. Enjoy being open. And enjoy being unique in what you value as your right to your opinion.

 Have a divine day

yours in love, Jane, Social 8 Adelaide

Do you keep attracting the wrong people?

What you believe about yourself is what you’ll attract to yourself. If you believe that you are a person who deserves to be treated well by others, you’ll attract kindness. If you believe you’re not really worthy of being treated well, you’ll attract people who will harm you.

Break the negative relationship cycle and attract the love you deserve.

By Michelle Vasquez

Think about your past relationships.

Were they positive or negative experiences? If they were negative, think about what you believed about yourself at the time.

Did you stay in an abusive situation because you thought you would never find someone else?

Did you keep telling yourself that maybe things would change for the better?

Did you convince yourself that you weren’t important enough to express your opinions? Were you afraid to?

Did you believe it wasn’t so bad?

Did you stay because the sex was good, even though you fought constantly otherwise, convincing yourself that it was love?

Did you feel like you couldn’t live without that person?

I challenge you to examine your beliefs. The beliefs you hold about yourself are the keys to why you may be attracting the wrong kind of person. Dig deep and look at your beliefs. Maybe it’s time to do some spring cleaning and get rid of the negative thoughts that have held you back from finding the love of your life.

Do this exercise to look at what you are attracting

Think of all of your past relationships. Use one piece of paper (more if needed) for each person. Put each person’s name at the top of the paper and list the following:

How did you meet?

How long did you know each other before you were intimate?

What did you used to argue about most frequently?

Personality traits (yours and your former partner’s)

Problem behaviors (addictions, infidelities, jealousy, violent behaviors, etc.)

There are many more things you could write, of course, but this will get you started. After you’ve finished writing, compare the relationships. Notice what you were attracting. Notice the similarities and differences. Chances are, you will find you have behaved similarly and attracted similar people each time. This is powerful because once you identify what you’ve been doing, you can change it. You may need to consult with a relationship coach or counselor to help you change these patterns. But you’ve already started to change the pattern just by acknowledging it. I wish you the best of success in attracting the relationship you want into your life!

About the author: Michelle E. Vasquez is a Relationship Coach and a Licensed Professional Counselor in Huntington Beach, CA. For her free report to help you find the one, visit http://facilidating.com/freereport.html.

Article Source: www.EzineArticles.com

 Have a divine day

Yours in love, Jane, Social 8 Adelaide

When the past is revisited in person

There is that moment of surprise when someone from your past contacts you out of the blue. That same person who hurt you incredibly and now you have a chance to assess how you feel about that person.

Hopefully if enough time has past and you have spent time finding the gift and healing the situation, then the contact from this person will be a wonderful sign of how far you have travelled.

If you find yourself high fiving the air with a golden opportunity to be revengeful, then the contact is showing you that the past experience has not been healed. Take the time to really examine the situation. See what role you played in the scenario. Be honest and look at what lesson you can learn from this time. There is a gift in everything that happens. If you truly spend the time finding the gift you will be well on the way to becoming grateful for the situation. If you learn from the past, own the role you played and then change for the future, you become the person you are wanting to be.

This then ensures than when faced with a similar situation, your chosen behaviour will be different. It will result in a more powerful you. One who can face situations with calmness, clarity and compassion. This is a powerful state to be in and gives a sense of control over our destiny.

It is so important to own the past and not be a victim. It is equally important to find the gift. It may appear as a tiny gift to start with however as you start to own the gift, you may be surprised to find that the hidden gift is much bigger than first realised. 

And then when the past revisits you, you can feel excitement at the journey you have taken knowing that you stand in your own power with firm boundaries in place and no hidden agendas of manipulation. It is a freeing and wonderful feeling. Enjoy your past. Own it. Be grateful for it and celebrate the now for what it is.

Have a divine day

Yours in love, Jane