The journey of someone who has been widowed

One of the saddest and hardest journeys I see is that of the young person who has been widowed. I meet people often who have unexpectedly found themself single through the passing of a partner. Not only are they facing the grief of losing someone they dearly love, they are also left with the unexpected realisation that they are now walking their time on earth as a single person.

The thought of meeting new people without their life partner next to them is painful and difficult. The social invitations from friends often to dinners are met with that empty seat once occupied by their loved partner. And the emptiness of home life once full of co-habitation is painful and lonely. So the desire to perhaps consider meeting someone starts to be born. The desire to meet new people who will meet them as they are today and while beautiful friends are well meaning, these new potential friends wont be asking ‘how are you going’ every time they see you. So a fresh beginning seems ever so gently desirable.

And so I meet these beautiful people who have lived a much more challenging life than they had hoped for. And for these gentle souls it is baby steps. Baby steps to present themself to other single people. Baby steps to hold their energy at a social gathering without their partner. And baby steps engaging in conversations that are based in the now, not the past. So they start to leave their loved one now and this is mixed with both sadness and a tiny bit of hope for a better tomorrow. For them it is always bitter sweet.

For those in this situation, the thought of simply socialising again as a single person is enough without the visualising or thoughts of even being in the presence of someone of the opposite gender that isn’t their wife or husband. The thoughts of kissing another man or women brings them to tears. And yet the desire to connect with another, the desire to be loved physically and emotionally again, the desire to love and care for another helps those in this situation to be some of the bravest people I have ever met in this world.

It is my privilege to be helping people in this situation to attend our dinners. I understand the fear of bursting into tears upon seeing strangers at an event is real for them. At any given moment, it all could be just too much to bare and yet bare it they do. I honour those of you in this situation. You are brave and heart centred beautiful people who are so deserving of someone special coming into your life.

If you are single and potentially dating a widowed person, please give them all the love, kindness and support you can. Stay in your adult power to support them as they make this difficult transition in life. And I guarantee you, what you give them will be returned to you ten times over in kindness, warmth, and genuine appreciation.

Our loved ones never really leave us. They have the ability to be with us more than ever when they are on the other side. Yet the pain of losing physical contact is so gut wrenching. Yet the desire to engage in love is always with us. I wish those of you in this situation my heartfelt best wishes and support in your journey. May each of you find the peace and love your desire and the support and compassion from all whose paths you cross.

And to those of you with partners here in this physical world, take a moment to share your love for them right here in the now. None of us every knows what tomorrow shall bring.

Yours in love

 Jane, Social 8 Adelaide

Does your date really like you?

This article was sent to me from a dating site called yangutu.com

More often than not people will spend a lot of your time dating thinking whether or not this other person like you. You would do whatever you can to check for any signs, but unfortunately they tend to just be false alarms.

Now, everyone knows that it is possible for your date to be smiling ear to ear, wants to get to know you more and shows that, and wouldn’t mind listening to anything you have to say, but secretly, deep inside, he or she may really be wishing it would just end so he or she can get the heck out of there. So when it comes to knowing what your date is really feeling, you need to look carefully for all subtle signs that you can to see your date’s real feelings. And here is how!

1: Your date may say your name a lot more than usual
Whatever you do, don’t get annoyed if your date likes to address you by name or even your full name, for example ‘How did you like the park, Bobby Doe’ or ‘Lizzy, wow I really like that name, Lizzy’
Now, take this as a sign that your date is liking you to the point that he or she just can’t help but to connect with your closest possession, which would be your name. You will also need to listen carefully for whether or not your date calls you by your name enthusiastically instead of in a monotone.

2: If your date squints at you
Pretend you are a diamond for a second here and you date has begun to squint at you, he or she is trying to see if you are, in fact, for real or not. So when your date squints their eyes just to partly close, as if staring into a bright, but not blinding, light. This is an unconscious reaction that a human naturally does, and this shows that he or she are currently searching for more information about you. It shows that you and or your date are now focusing even harder on you, to sort of make sure you aren’t some illusion or fake. And everyone knows that one way to check your date out is when you look more closely at them.

3: Does your date ask you how and why?
Any date that happens to be polite would ask you things that are of a factual nature, usually about your family life, like where did you grow up or if you have any sisters or brothers. This helps keep the date from being weirdly quiet, but it isn’t a sure sign that there is no chemistry between you two. BUT! The second your date starts to ask questions in a more deepened manner you can be sure that your date is getting pretty dang interested in you. If they ask questions that start with how or why, it is the sure sign, you see, people don’t normally ask questions like that when it comes to dates, they usually stick with other things, so if they start it with a why or how, it shows they are going past the ‘dating rules’ to show his or her interest.

4: Does your date get quiet when you are together?
When your date is silent, don’t go assuming that he or she is not longer interested or bored, avoid that thinking. The reason being is because it can very well mean the total opposite of that. The fact is, your date may be feeling a pull towards you that he or she can’t ignore or deny that they are lost in thought about you. But this doesn’t mean that this is what it always mean, you can test it to find out whether or not your date is deep in thought or just really really bored, all you got to do is ask your date a random question, like ‘are you okay?’ or ‘enjoying yourself?’.

Now, if your date responds like so: ‘What are you talking about?/What do you mean?’ or starts getting somewhat defensive it is probably a sure sign that they are bored or tired and want to go home. But to contrast that, if your date smiles back at you and apologizes kindly for getting a little distracted, chances are your date was thinking about you two, probably in the future.

5: Do you hear ‘You are’ often?
If your date likes to exclaim and possibly stress ‘You are/ You’re’ followed by something positive, like ‘funny/awesome/cool’ and so on, consider yourself, my friend, lucky. When your date gives you personalized statements of approval and even admiration of a date or yourself, this means that means that your date really likes YOU and not pretending, it’s sort of a subconscious choice of words that you wouldn’t realize you were doing unless you were really paying attention. The brain is cool, isn’t it? And the choice of words you probably don’t want to hear (Although it DOESN’T mean your date is ruined) is ‘That is/ That’s funny/awesome/cool’ and so on.

6: Lastly, does your date ever give you something?
This doesn’t mean getting you nice toys or jewelry, this means if your date gives you something that you can actually hold and use it to remember the day some other time, to always keep the time you spent together in mind. When someone does this, it more often then not is a sign that he or she is really feeling the chemistry between you two. This token of loveyness can easily be a toy or stuffed animal that you won at the arcade or park that you two were at together or perhaps the ticket stubs that you keep after watching a movie together.

To get one of these suckers you got yourself a sure sign that your date not only wants you to remember him or her, or the night you two went out, and not only will you know THEY will be remembering it at well, but you can be sure that your date really likes you and will remember that evening you two spent together for a long time. At a time like this you probably want to make and set up that second date.

There you all have ways to find out if your date really likes you or is just hiding the fact that they want to get home ASAP! Good luck everyone!

Expectations, are yours being met?

Expectations are such a powerful thing and I see the power of this being played out every night at our Social 8 dinners. The feedback we get each morning following a dinner is fascinating to read. Who has enjoyed the dinners, who has enjoyed particular members and sometimes who has had a disappointing night. The one consistent fact through all the years and piles of feedback we have received is, what you truly expect (not hope for or not hope for but expect)  is exactly what you will get.

Last night, as normal, we had several more dinners occurring. At one of the dinners 5 of the attending members had a terrific time topped off with some requests to swap phone numbers with other members. It was the 6th member that once again highlighted the deliverance of expectation. She told me prior to the dinner she wasn’t expecting much but was giving it a go. I cautioned her on her attitude and encouraged her to raise the bar. To focus on a positive outcome. To focus on a great night, meeting interesting people and having a lot of fun. He final words were, that would be nice but I don’t expect that. Not surprisingly this morning her feedback was that it wasn’t a good night for her. She received in full her total expectation.

I cannot emphasise enough the power you have to create your own reality. Watch what you expect and see how you get. You will receive your expectation every single time bar none. If you take the time to set your intent to be a positive experience, that is what shall be delivered each and every time regardless of what you are desiring. If you set your intent to be a negative experience, then that too shall become your reality. You create your reality. Not someone else. Not the person next to you or the previous experience. This one. Right here, right now.

 Take the time to really visualise that which you are desiring. If you find yourself becoming negative, take the time to reach for a better feeling thought. You own your thoughts. No-one else can make you feel or think anything. Only you. You manifest your expectations so get fired up with excitement at this ability. Use it in your everyday life. Not just for socialising and reap the rewards. It is all waiting there for you to experience. Dream it up, get excited and go experience it. You are so powerful in your creations and so make these creations and expectations big and glorious and magnificent.

 Have a divine day

 Yours in love, Jane

I don’t care what your story is!

You are worthy! I hear so many stories of why someone is not in a loving relationship when they desire to be in one. I hear about the person who is too old, the one who is not sophisticated enough, the one who is not emotionally connected, the one who is not interesting enough, the one who is not pretty enough, the one who is not entertaining enough, the one who is not confident enough, the one who is not successful enough, the one who is not slim enough, the one who is too quiet, the one who is not happy enough, the one who doesn’t have time, the one who has too many children, the one who is….fill in the blank.

This to me is called, so what! You are all worthy. This is called stuff and we all have stuff. So what! Are you using this as an excuse? Are you allowing this to stop you achieving what you want? If you believe nothing more, please believe this… YOU ARE ALL WORTHY!

Sure, everyone has a journey to go on and sometimes this stuff is getting in the way of meeting and sustaining a healthy relationship yet I have never met anyone who has a story that says they are not worthy. If you find that you are the one who ….. Fill in the blank, and it really is stopping you then take the time to see how this story could be changed to rectify this belief. And in the meantime, while working on changing this story, keep telling yourself, ‘I am worthy’. Repeat it so often that you eventually start to believe you are worthy. Then as you do this, you will find your story starts to change.

So here is your new belief, ‘I may be ….. Fill in the blank, however I am worthy’.

Yours in love, Jane