Recovering from a painful memory
I have had a lovely lady ask me the following question… ‘I am still hurt from my past and can’t let it go. How do I let it go? How do I get over my past?’
First off, big hugs and kudos to you for asking the question! I want to say that I don’t have all the answers however here are some suggestions.
Take one finally visit down memory lane, even though it is painful and brings the remembered vibration back, it is important to do this one final time. However this time, look very closely at the situation and own what part of it you played. No blaming anyone else here. No victim story or poor me story… Just the pure honest thoughts of what did I do to contribute to this situation. It is time to be brutally honest with yourself. If you look hard enough you will find the part you played. Usually this is a behaviour or trait within ourself that we dislike and don’t wish to own. Once you have identified the behaviour and owned it as yours, it is time to learn to love that part of yourself.
You can do this by writing a list of all the negative ways this behaviour has played out in the past. We then can write a list of all the positive ways this behaviour has played out in our life for the better. By recognising that there is a positive in every ‘percieved’ negative behaviour or emotion we may have, is the way to loving all the parts of us. It is the way to bring the shadow side of our personality out from the basement and love that part of us too.
Please remember here too that we are and have been all things. Everyone can be obnoxious, or needy or controlling, or antagonistic or opinionated or mean or agressive or hostile or weak or ….. fill in the blank. So there is no negative judgement on you for owning something that you dislike about yourself.
As you work on this, you will find that the gift of this painful experience has now taught you a lot more about you and helped you to love that part of yourself. The more you work on this, the easier the memory will be to relive as now the past has been a gift. The gift of having you know and love yourself more. You can then ultimately be grateful for the experience.
I hope this helps and send you love to help you to take this important step in seeking greater love and happiness in your life.
yours in love, Jane, Social 8 Adelaide
Add a comment 02/12/2010
Dating tips
Here are some dating tips I have shared with clients in the last few days. I hope you find them useful!
Create healthy boundaries for yourself. If you are newly single after a long term relationship, put the brakes on having intimate relationships. Recognise you are vulnerable at this time to receiving love from the first person you meet who most likely will not be a healthy choice for a long term successful relationship…. Instead give yourself permission to have fun without vulnerability. Date all who you desire however dont step into intimacy too soon.
To conquer a fear is the beginning of wisdom. Fear is felt often in relationships and when dating. Face your fears, confront them, tackle them, conquer them and reap the rewards!
’People lie on average three times in the first ten minutes when trying to get to know each other’. Dr. Phil. If you want an honest partner, be honest. Be impeccable with your word always
Are you screening potential dates so harshly that no-one can get to you? Be clever in your screening. Screen only those who don’t demonstrate the true qualities you are desiring. And if they do demonstrate them, then give them a chance
When newly single, it is great to get out and start to socialise again, however be cautious of dating too soon. Many fall into another long term relationship soon after ending the last one and often with someone who is the complete opposite of their past partner. This is the cleansing relationship.
If you desire a special partner in your life, make the space for them to come into it. Being busy, busy, busy, can easily put off a potential new partner by believing you won’t have time for them.
Dating someone new? A few tips: stay on neutral topics (no sex, politics, religion, money & exes). Men: keep it light, fun, cheeky even. Don’t go serious to impress her. Fun WILL work for you! Women: Go for warmth, warmth, warmth, he knows you’re smart & successful so don’t prove it to them. Let down that hard protecti…ve coating. Stop protecting yourself through this hard layer which is impenetrable for men.HAVE FUN
There are no guarantees in relationships. If you have met someone terrific and in the early stages of dating, don’t seek a reassurance of the future from this person, no matter how into them you are. Enjoy it for what it is for now, one step at a time!
Enjoy your day today bringing into your life that which your heart desires.
Yours in love,
Jane, Social 8 Adelaide
Add a comment 24/11/2010
Ground Hog Day
Is every day the same for you? Are you single and desiring love in your life, yet every day you see the same types of people? Do you experience the same conversation only with different people? Do you have the same disappointing outcome each time you socialise? Are you repeatedly asking ‘where are all the good ones hiding?’. If this is you, then I encourage you to make a change.
All too often I hear this story. People telling me it isn’t them that is the problem but the lack of opportunities to meet suitable people. Yet when presented with suitable people, there is always something wrong with them. They don’t believe these people are suitable. They are looking for someone better. These same people would (if I gave them the chance) spend hours sharing a very well rehearsed story, the same story each time, that they are simply looking for an equal and cant find anyone they consider an equal. That this man or this woman is not their equal and that this person has …. (fill in the blank) wrong with them. This person is so attached and stuck in their victim story that I believe I will be hearing the same story from them in ten years time. Sadly I have already heard the same story told to me from the same people 3 or even 4 years apart. These people have wasted 4 years by being so attached to their victim story that they are continuing setting themself up to prove themself right. Their story protects them from having to look in the mirror and see what is truly there.
OK so it is hard to look in the mirror and identify something about yourself that is displeasing. It can be painful and very frightening owning something negative about yourself. Yet, this is one of the most important steps you can take to start to experience a different outcome. By looking in the mirror and considering what could be done differently, you are on your way to achieving what you have never achieved before.
It could be that you have unrealistic expectations of a fantasy person who does not exist. If you don’t change this thinking, you will be single forever (which is fine if this is what you want). It could be you need to deal with ageism where you find it difficult to be attracted to someone your own age and so desiring to meet a partner 15 or 20 years younger is making it extremely difficult to find happiness. Or you need to look at what you truly are bringing to the table in a potential relationship where you believe you are such a great prize that everyone should want to have you as a partner and yet the reality is you are not in demand. It could be that you are not projecting a warm connective energy that has others feeling safe in your company therefore blocking the chance of engaging with new and interesting people. It could be that you are projecting only a sexual energy that is not enabling you to have a heartfelt connection with another. It could be that you are feeling unlovable or unworthy and so you are demonstrating self sabotaging behaviour that proves you right and unlovable therefore denying you the chance to have a relationship. It could be that you are protecting your heart from being hurt again and so you are projecting out an arrogance and hardness that only attracts the game players to you and again denies you the chance to connect successfully with another. It could be your fear of failure that has you only see unsuitable partners to protect you from finding someone suitable and then having the relationship fail. It could be that you are seeing only those who you believe are beneath you socially as you desire a partner to validate your social success to the world. It could be that you are looking for a partner to make you feel complete when what is missing is you giving yourself the love you need to complete yourself as no-one will ever be able to complete you, only you complete you.
There are so many reasons to stop and look in the mirror. We all have so much to learn about our self and it is often through relationships or lack of relationships that we learn the most valuable and helpful stuff to make us happy. Start by being brave and being honest with yourself. If you cant own your own stuff then any relationship you have is going to be one that is destined to have a lot of problems in it.
Be brave, look at the person in the mirror. Own what is potentially not working for you. Take the time to reframe your thinking. Step into the now realising that the past is the past and does not need to be the future. If you change your thinking, you change your energy. If you change your energy your change how the world sees you. If you change how the world sees you, you change what is attracted to you. If you change what is attracted to you, you get a different result. Bingo! It’s no longer ground hog day.
Enjoy this day as the unique moment it is. Make the change to enable you to create the day your desire. One that is different from yesterday.
Yours in love
Jane, Social 8 Adelaide
Add a comment 22/11/2010
Tags: adelaide, dating, failure, fear of failure, friendship, happiness, healing, healing the past, help, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, lonely, love, men, peace, relationships, single, singles, social, Social 8
All bad behaviour stems from a lack of love
Here is another excerpt from my book, Thoughts on love, life and all that jazz.
All bad behaviour stems from a lack of love
I truly believe that when someone behaves in a way that doesn’t please you, it is due to them feeling a lack of love. Be it love for self or love from others. Take a moment to assess each situation individually. As you focus on this scenario, ask yourself how this person could be feeling. Could they potentially be feeling disconnected from love? Could their behaviour be a cry to be noticed, to be validated, to be appreciated, to be loved? If so, could you reach into your heart and find a way to express your compassion, your understanding, your consideration, your love to them? How will this make you feel? Will it make you feel violated, taken for granted, used, abused. Is this then teaching you that you too are not feeling love from them? Could you be the one to start the change? Could you start to reach for a better feeling thought about this person? If so could this then result in you sending them a better feeling and potentially have them change their behaviour to you?
When we feel safe, when we feel secure, when we feel loved we are able to be the divine people we are meant to be. By sending your love you are also reaching for the higher you enabling you to not feel disconnected. You will gain the results from this situation if for no other reason than you yourself will be feeling better about it.
Take a moment to really ask yourself in each situation if love could solve this. It could be a situation with a work colleague, an employee, a client, a child, a partner, a friend, a neighbour or even a stranger. Love is the always the answer.
Add a comment 17/11/2010
Let it go! An excerpt from Jane’s book, ‘Thoughts on love, life and all that Jazz
So someone is annoying you? Or someone is making you feel less than your best? Or someone is intimidating you? Or someone is manipulating you? Or someone is making you feel angry? Just let it go.
This simple tool can be difficult to master however when it is put into practice, really is so very freeing. What if you told your mind to let it go each time a negative thought came into your consciousness? What if you really did just let go of that thought process? By removing the awareness of that thought you are reducing the power of that person to have this emotional hold over you.
As I was reminded last night, it really is that simple. By just letting it go, you are placing yourself instantly in a happier place. Start by becoming aware of your thoughts regarding this particular person or situation. Each time you are aware of the thought, say ‘let it go’. Then focus your thoughts on something else. Preferably something that brings you joy. It could be simply the sensation of having this problem not in your mind that makes you feel free. Or it could be by focusing on a favourite person or place or situation that brings you joy. The very next time the same thought pops into your mind, do the same thing, say again to yourself ‘let it go’. Keep going until the thought is no longer popping into your mind. You may need to do it 3 or 4 times or even 20 or 30 times. It doesn’t matter how often you need to do it, with practice it will become less often. And each time, the result is instant. You will be feeling slightly better. And that’s a great very fast result.
Have a play with this tool today. Each of us is faced with negative thought processes each day so take the time to let it go. Give this tool a test and if you wish, please share with us how it went for you today.
To download instantly the book ‘Thoughts on love, life and all that jazz’, visit www.janesloveshack.com.au
Yours in love
Jane, Social 8 Adelaide
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Add a comment 15/11/2010
Tags: friendship, happiness, healing, help, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, love, peace, relationships, self worth, Social 8
Leave your exes at the door!
Leave your baggage at the door
A first date is a new beginning. The first thing you should do when meeting a new special someone for the first time is to leave all your former relationships outside. Did you ever see the preview for that horrible movie, “Ghosts of Girlfriends Past”? In a nutshell, the main character is haunted by all of the ghosts of his past relationships. We are mentioning this “film” because every time you mention a previous relationship on a date, the person you are sitting across from immediately gets a vision of this man or woman standing over your shoulder. The more you talk about him or her, the clearer the image becomes. The more people you mention, the more crowded your table becomes. Let the date be about you and this new, sparkling prospect right in front of you. Leave the exes out of it.
Yours in love
Jane, Social 8, Adelaide
Add a comment 12/11/2010
Are you a princess in denial?
Ok I have a lot to say today. For many girls I meet desiring to have a loving partner, it is time to wake up! The princess syndrome is killing some girls chances of meeting a partner. No-one is good enough for her. Everyone she meets has something wrong with them even though they seem nice. When questioned on someone’s suitability to her, she gives reasons of, I just didn’t click with him. I want someone more warm. So she is given the chance to meet some ‘warm’ guys, but she doesn’t find them attractive. So she is given someone who is warm and attractive, but their not successful enough for her. So she is presented with someone warm, attractive, successful but he is just too nice and she wants someone with more spark.
OK this girl wants the looks of Brad Pritt, the sex appeal of George Clooney, the social network of Prince Charles and the financial means of Donald Trump. He is to be a tiger in both the board room and the bedroom. He is to cuddle her and make her soup when she is unwell. He is to understand her hormonal challenges and love and understand her on those bad days. He is to love each of her friends and family and to challenge her intellect. He must also share all her interests and hobbies with her. Hot desire must be in his eyes as he looks at her each and every moment they are together. Wake up please…. HE DOESN’T EXIST! And even if he did, I suspect he would have something wrong with him anyway (well in her eyes).
She believes she deserves so much more and isn’t going to settle for anything less. She cries herself to sleep at night because ‘the one’ hasn’t shown up. Come the morning, once more it is everyone else’s fault that she can’t find someone nice. There are just no nice guys around is her common cry! And slowly she starts to protect herself from the constant parade of unsuitables in front of her. She starts to play the blame game. It’s not me, its everyone else that’s not right. And yet, is she the looks of Angelina? Does she have the fun girl next door appeal of Cameran Diaz? Is she Mother Teresa in the compassion stakes. And does she have the sexiness of a Victoria Secret model? Of course not!
This girl is deserving not desiring. And the saddest thing of all is if she doesn’t change her thinking. She will eventually build up such a hard shell around her heart that it will be nearly impenetrable in time. She will become a brittle, angry, hard woman projection hostile and protective energy and behaviour around her that no-one will be interested in her anyway. She has become someone no-one will find attractive.
If this is you, please consider what will make you happy in a partner. Take out that 50 point check list you have on the ideal person. Yes, I know you have that list written somewhere. Now look at each point individually and ask yourself ‘will this make me happy’. Does a man who is 6′ tall make you happy? NO. If he ends up being that tall, that is a bonus. But many 5’7″ guys will make you happy. Does someone who has lots of money make you happy? No that is the bonus. What makes people happy is different for each person. Most will have 2 or 3 or maybe even 4 (princess’ will have 4) not negotiables. They are usually along the lines of MUST BE kind or generous or want children or be financially secure or truly confident in themselves or have passion for life or trustworthy or honest or have integrity or be spiritual or respect for physical health or be emotionally balanced or be intellectually stimulating or gentle or compassionate.
These are the not negotiables that should be your list. 2, 3 or 4 things. This is what will make you happy. It is time for you to negotiate your lists. If you need help being convinced to do this. Let’s start with height. So 80% of women ask for a man who is 6′ of taller. 15% of the male population are 6′ or taller. If you are asking for this and WONT negotiate your list, then the chances are that you will fall into the 65% of women who will be single for ever. Do the maths. So when you next say, I’m not settling, I sincerely hope you mean that as the chances of you being single forever are now very high. It is fine if you desire all these things, are not prepared to negotiate and are happy being single. However don’t then cry yourself to sleep if he doesn’t appear. Don’t tell me or someone else you really want a partner because your actions are saying you don’t.
Don’t be in denial. If this post is making you angry, then the chances are, you are becoming or already are a princess. So rather than get angry at me for telling you, you can’t have it all (because it doesn’t exist), get angry – just for a moment – at yourself. Own you behaviour. You cant change what you don’t own. And before I get bombarded with emails telling me, men can be like this too. Yes they can, however that is a topic for another day. Don’t blame the men. Start with you. Change you and get a different result. One that you could potentially be happy with for a long long time. Look at these lists, work out your not negotiables. Now try dating men who you wouldn’t normally date. If they are potentially demonstrating your needs (not your wants), then they are worthy of a date to explore where this could lead. Many happily married people will tell you that their partner was not the type they usually dated. When someone at Social 8 swaps numbers with someone who they wouldn’t normally do so … we get very excited. It is when you have the courage to make change, to do something different that you are most likely to get something different. At the least a new experience rather than have ground hog day happening. And at the most, finally, someone wonderful and different who is just right for you.
Take the blinkers off. Own your deserving behaviour. Get a realistic look at what will make you happy. Now go after that dating everyone who potentially meets your needs. And have fun doing it. Now you should be seeing loads of potentially suitable men for you to be dating. Date six at once (not intimately mind you!) and in amongst all this fun with loads of different types of men, you just might find ‘the one’. He will slowly grow on you are you realise he is meeting your true needs, not your external validation of your worth. This is the one to make you happy. And if he gets you and makes you happy, what more do you want? Hopefully nothing.
Being a retired princess will bring you much greater joy in your life.
Yours in love Jane (thankfully a retired princess of 16 years). Social 8, Adelaide
Add a comment 08/11/2010
Tags: adelaide, dating, happiness, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, lonely, relationships, single, singles, Social 8
The ‘R’ Word
Rejection. No-one likes it, no-one wants it, yet without it how can you get closer to achieving what it is you desire. If you choose to not approach someone because of a fear of rejection from that person, you are actually rejecting yourself! And the end result is exactly the same. NOTHING! If however you approach someone and they reject you, you at least have had a terrific opportunity to look at what you did and how you did it so you can decide how to do things differently next time. You may learn that certain ways of approaching certain types of people are best done at a certain time or place or situation or ….. the learning possibilities are many just on how to approach someone. This now has been a great experience you can take with you into the future helping you to refine how you approach someone. Often we can learn more by what hasn’t worked than by what has worked. So be brave and face that fear of rejection head on. Please don’t reject yourself, go for it and see the opportunity as a learning one whether you get what you want or not. And next time, may be the time that you aren’t rejected and you get therefore what you want!
And remember, anything worth having is worth asking for!
Enjoy your day stepping through your fear asking for whatever it is your heart desires.
PS, if rejection is a real problem for you, please visit our website www.social8.com.au and click on audio link to download my MP3 talk on building resilience, facing rejection.
Yours in love, Jane, Social 8 Adelaide
Add a comment 27/10/2010
Tags: adelaide, dating, failure, fear, fear of failure, happiness, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, lonely, love, men, relationships, resilience, self worth, single, singles, Social 8
when to phone
If you ask and get someone’s phone number, call them within 48 hours. And if you have given your number out, take their call. If you don’t wish them to contact you, learn to say no with kindness and compassion. Learn to speak your truth.
Add a comment 19/10/2010
Is procrastination stopping you from gaining what your heart desires?
Is procrastination stopping you from gaining what your heart desires? Ask yourself what is your fear. Whats are you scared of happening? Fear is False Emotion Appearing Real. Fear is fantasy. It hasn’t happened. Face your fears and move through them. It is better to have failed from trying than to have never tried.
Add a comment 19/10/2010
Be wary of someone who immediately calls you their soul-mate
‘Be wary of someone who immediately calls you their soul-mate, who comes on like a bulldozer, who makes jokes about the two of you moving in together immediately or who wants you to meet their mother before you have slept together. This is usually a recipe for a crash and burn situation’ from the book, diary of a modern day matchmaker.
It is common to hear stories like this. This is the person who loves to fall in love. Who loves the validation of having someone new in their life. Who loves the idea of being in love. Who loves the idea of having a long term relationship. They place all their energy into the initial part of the relationship and yet find disappointment soon after the initial infatuation stage has worn off.
Look for the early signs of being too intense. If you like this person, then encourage things to go slower, to take your time to get to know each other. Resist the urge to buy into the excitement of meeting someone who is really into you and tread carefully and slowly with this type of situation. You don’t want to go in heart first and find it is broken before the season is out. Keep yourself busy with the things that bring you joy into your life during this time. Don’t be too available or you may find yourself being drawn into the drama of this scenario. By keeping busy with other commitments and activities, you wont be as readily available to commit time to this person ensuring that space and time are in place to give each of you processing time. The chances are, if you don’t buy into their drama of having a full-on fast quickly committed relationship they will do one of two things. Either they will learn to take things slow and really get to know you for who you are or they will move on to find another more willing participant in their drama story.
And in the meantime, you have learnt more about how to identify a healthy potential partner and can feel confident knowing you are heading in the right direction.
Yours in love, Jane, Social 8, Adelaide
Add a comment 14/10/2010
Tags: adelaide, dating, divorced, happiness, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, love, men, relationships, single, Social 8
The cordial bottle
A beautiful friend of mine asked me how she could fix how messy her husband is. She is a meticulously neat and clean person and it was upsetting her every day seeing the messy way her husband lived. I asked her what annoyed her the most to which she replied, ‘he always leaves the cordial bottle out, every single day and it sets me off’…..
Continue Reading Add a comment 11/10/2010
Tags: adelaide, anger, control, failure, friendship, happiness, help, janes love shack, joy, love, manipulation, men, peace, relationships, Social 8
How not to be rude and how to deal with someone who is
Rude people can have a difficult time in life. They often don’t really feel they are being rude. For many reasons, they will feel it is their job to teach others what is wrong with them. While it may be difficult to understand, rude people can actually be trying to help….as misguided as it is. These people often have a genuine lack of empathy or burning need for attention and as a result, their behaviour can impact negatively on others. If you find that you are making a joke and you are the only one laughing, then that is a clue that it is hurting other peoples feelings. If you must joke, do so at your own expense, not at someone elses and recognise that sarcasm is the lowest form of humour. If you find that you interupt conversations constantly because your are bored with what is being spoken about or you feel what you have to say is more important than what is being said, then this is a clue that you are possible being rude….
Continue Reading Add a comment 30/09/2010
Learn to say no
Learn to say no. Don’t make commitments that are important to someone else but not important to you just because you are afraid of hurting their feelings. In doing this you will either break the commitment later, causing more hurt feelings, or keep the agreement, hurting your own feelings. It’s better to say ‘no thank you’ up front. John Roger
Add a comment 29/09/2010
Here is your chance single men!
Here is your chance single men …. meet at least 90 single and fabulous women at Social 8′s Trivia Night. Men needed from 30 to late 60′s. Friday 22nd October, 7.30pm Arkabar Hotel. Bookings essential on 8362 6800 or email social8@social8.com.au
. Be seated at a table within your age group. A great fun night that always results in many long term relationships.
Add a comment 28/09/2010
Help getting women to want to give you their phone number
It is not uncommon for women to give men their phone number to then not answer the mans call. This can stem from many women being people pleasers. A state where they are not wanting to hurt anyone’s feelings and also not wanting to be disliked in the moment. However when time passes and the expected phone call comes in, the woman may not be interested in speaking to you and she doesn’t know how to politely tell you she isn’t interested……
Continue Reading Add a comment 28/09/2010
Tags: adelaide, commitment, confidence, dating, divorced, failure, happiness, help, janes love shack, joy, lonely, love, men, rejection, relationships, self worth, single, single. dating, singles, social, Social 8
Building Confidence
I recently met an amazing woman. She has a brilliant, successful and very impressive career which she had studied for many years to become qualified in and had taken her career to great and enviable heights. She presented beautifully and was engaging to chat with. Upon discussing her social life, I discovered she has been attracting into her life negative and harmful social situations. Her past partners included petty criminals, violent men and weak men who were demonstrating to her unhealthy control mannerisms. She couldn’t understand why she couldn’t find a nice guy and wanted my help to change the types of people she was meeting…..
Continue Reading Add a comment 24/09/2010
Tags: adelaide, confidence, dating, fear of failure, friendship, happiness, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, love, rejection, relationships, resilience, self worth, single, Social 8
Does your success depend on others?
When given an opportunity, how you view success will determine if you are successful. So often success, in ones mind, can be dependent also upon others. The hope and desire for all other factors to fall into line can create incredible pressure. And as such it can put you into a state of desire that is beyond your control. The what if’s start to creep in. The fear of others not delivering their part of the bargain. The expectation that others will do as you will and reach for their best. And so it can lead to disappointment with so many factors dependent upon your perceived success…..
Continue Reading Add a comment 23/09/2010
Tags: adelaide, control, dating, failure, fear, fear of failure, happiness, help, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, love, manipulation, peace, rejection, relationships, resilience, self worth, single, Social 8
Second Chances
The old saying ‘you wont get a second chance’ is so often not accurate. When a situation arises that has an opportunity ending perhaps for some prematurely, it can appear that you have ‘blown it’. Yet time and time again, a similar opportunity presents itself giving you the opportunity to see if you have grown and how the opportunity will be taken this time. Second chances are exciting. They give a valuable opportunity to see if you can do it different, better, with more love this time around…..
Continue Reading Add a comment 21/09/2010
Tags: adelaide, dating, divorced, failure, fear, friendship, happiness, healing, healing the past, help, janes love shack, joy, lonely, love, men, past, peace, rejection, relationships, resilience, self worth, separated, single, single. dating, singles, social, Social 8, the past
How much does being right cost you?
Around 5 or 6 years ago I met a man who was going through a bitter divorce. Both he and his wife were hurting lots. Many hurtful words and accusations had been hurled at each other which caused each to become childlike in their desire to hurt the other more. They also both started to dig their heals in to prove the other wrong and them right….
Continue Reading Add a comment 20/09/2010
Tags: adelaide, anger, bullying, control, dating, divorced, fear, friendship, happiness, healing, help, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, love, manipulation, men, past, peace, relationships, resilience, self worth, single, single. dating, singles, social, Social 8
Something bugging you?
We all have moments where something bothers us more than at other times. It could be the actions of another, an old fear coming up to play, having to face the unexpected or any number of things. When something bothers you ask yourself if it is possible to detach from it. From the situation or the outcome of the fear of the future. Could you simply just let it go? …
Continue Reading Add a comment 17/09/2010
Tags: adelaide, anger, bullying, commitment, control, dating, failure, fear, fear of failure, friendship, happiness, healing, help, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, love, men, peace, relationships, resilience, self worth, single, social, Social 8, the past
The journey of someone who has been widowed
One of the saddest and hardest journeys I see is that of the young person who has been widowed. I meet people often who have unexpectedly found themself single through the passing of a partner. Not only are they facing the grief of losing someone they dearly love, they are also left with the unexpected realisation that they are now walking their time on earth as a single person…..
Continue Reading Add a comment 16/09/2010
Tags: adelaide, dating, dinners, friendship, happiness, healing, help, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, lonely, love, men, pain. hurt, past, peace, relationships, single, single. dating, social, Social 8, the past
Women supporting women
Women can be your best friends or your worst enemy. When you feel secure with a female friend it can help make your life complete. That special girl who you can share you best and your worst with. That person who understands you and doesn’t judge you when times are challenging. Yet what about the woman who undermines your sense of self worth. The one who will use passive aggressive ways to secretly undermined your success? ….
Continue Reading Add a comment 15/09/2010
Tags: adelaide, anger, bullying, control, dating, failure, fear, fear of failure, friendship, happiness, healing, help, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, lonely, love, pain. hurt, peace, rejection, relationships, resilience, self worth, single, social, Social 8, trustworthy
Does your date really like you?
More often than not people will spend a lot of your time dating thinking whether or not this other person like you. You would do whatever you can to check for any signs, but unfortunately they tend to just be false alarms…….
Now, everyone knows that it is possible for your date to be smiling ear to ear, wants to get to know you more and shows that, and wouldn’t mind listening to anything you have to say, but secretly, deep inside, he or she may really be wishing it would just end so he or she can get the heck out of there. So when it comes to knowing what your date is really feeling, you need to look carefully for all subtle signs that you can to see your date’s real feelings. And here is how!
Continue Reading Add a comment 14/09/2010
Tags: adelaide, commitment, dating, dinners, happiness, help, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, lonely, love, men, peace, rejection, relationships, resilience, self worth, single, singles, social, Social 8
What gets you excited?
Many people spend an awful lot of time doing things that don’t bring them any joy. They may go weeks or months without anything special to spark their fire which can slowly produce a decline in their health and happiness. I encourage you to take the time to make a list of all the things that ‘light your fire’. What gives you that special spark of excitement. That feeling that you are embarking on something that you are just meant to do, right here, right now! Then go out and do it……
Continue Reading Add a comment 14/09/2010
Tags: adelaide, happiness, help, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, love, peace, self worth, single, single. dating, singles, social, Social 8
Can you hear a new story and consider it?
Being open to hearing a new story, a new way of thinking, a new way of behaving or a new way of connecting is one of life’s best tools to grow and achieve greater happiness. It delights me to see so many people hear a new concept for the very first time and be willing to give it a go. But what about those who are shut down to new ideas? If you find yourself instantly dismissing a new idea as not suitable or silly or a waste of time, are you shutting down new opportunities to grow? Are you really highlighting an area that you have a blockage to? Could it be that you are forming fast opinions based on reactionary behaviour out of habit? ….
Continue Reading Add a comment 13/09/2010
Tags: adelaide, dating, failure, fear, friendship, happiness, healing, healing the past, help, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, love, relationships, self worth, single, single. dating, singles, social, Social 8
Expectations, are yours being met?
Expectations are such a powerful thing and I see the power of this being played out every night at our Social 8 dinners. The feedback we get each morning following a dinner is fascinating to read. Who has enjoyed the dinners, who has enjoyed particular members and sometimes who has had a disappointing night. The one consistent fact through all the years and piles of feedback we have received is, what you truly expect (not hope for or not hope for but expect) is exactly what you will get….
Continue Reading Add a comment 09/09/2010
Tags: adelaide, dating, dinners, failure, fear, friendship, happiness, help, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, love, men, relationships, single, single. dating, singles, social, Social 8
The Don’t Quit Poem
When things go wrong, as they sometimes will. When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill. When the funds are low and the debts are high. And you want to smile, but you have to sigh. When care is pressing you down a bit, rest, if you must, but don’t you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns, as every one of us sometimes learns. And many a failure turns about, when he might have won had he stuck it out. Don’t give up though the pace seems slow–you may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than, it seems to a faint and faltering man. Often the struggler has given up, when he might have captured the victor’s cup. And he learned too late when the night slipped down, how close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out–the silver tint of the clouds of doubt. And you never can tell how close you are, it may be near when it seems so far. So stick to the fight when you’re hardest hit–it’s when things seem worst that you must not quit.
Author unknown. Click here to watch the video: http://www.thedontquitpoem.com/index.htm
Have a divine day
Yours in love, Jane
Add a comment 06/09/2010
Tags: happiness, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, love, peace, Social 8
Look very closely at your words to know what you bring into your life
I met a lady yesterday who shared her story with me of a man she really likes and had dated him a few times however she was worried he really wasn’t that keen on her. She was asking me my opinion. I asked her if she really wanted this man in her life seriously or just for fun? She was really keen and said she wanted a relationship with him. I asked her if she really meant this and was she really feeling this to which she replied yes….
Continue Reading 2 comments 02/09/2010
Tags: adelaide, dating, happiness, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, love, men, relationships, single, single. dating, singles, social, Social 8
Do you keep attracting the wrong people?
What you believe about yourself is what you’ll attract to yourself. If you believe that you are a person who deserves to be treated well by others, you’ll attract kindness. If you believe you’re not really worthy of being treated well, you’ll attract people who will harm you….
Continue Reading Add a comment 31/08/2010
Tags: adelaide, dating, failure, happiness, healing, healing the past, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, love, past, relationships, self worth, single, single. dating, singles, social, Social 8
What reason would you give for not dating someone?
Recently there has been a new book come out from the States highlighting reasons women give for not accepting the offer of a date. Each person interviewed was desiring to be dating and hoping to meet the one. I was so keen to read this research believing I would gain some great insight to help our clients. How disappointed I was in the book. I can only hope the interviewed demographics were all taken late at night from the latest trendy must be seen at bar….
Continue Reading Add a comment 30/08/2010
Tags: adelaide, dating, happiness, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, men, rejection, relationships, single, single. dating, singles, Social 8
It’s a perfect day today so…
take the time to enjoy this beautiful weather and while you are at it, take the time to find pleasure in the smallest of things. As you choose to give your focus to the small things that make you happy, that bring a smile to your face or that make you feel good, you will find your sense of peace or happiness or joy increase. This in turn brings more of the feel good things into your life.
So enjoy this weekend finding the small things that make you feel good.
Have a divine day
Yours in love, Jane
Add a comment 28/08/2010
Tags: happiness, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, peace, Social 8
Who is trying to control who?
Control. It’s a word talked about all the time with people dating. ‘He’s trying to control me’ or ‘she’s too controlling’ are common statements. Yet if the truth be known, we can never control another person. Try as you may, you will always come up against resistance if you try to control another. Only one person controls you and that is you! …
Continue Reading Add a comment 26/08/2010
Tags: adelaide, bullying, control, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, love, manipulation, relationships, Social 8
Do you want commitment from a partner?
Then my big question to you is are you able to commit? It is common for people to share with me they want someone who can commit to the relationship and to each other. This is particularly common if someone has been left in a relationship in their past…..
Continue Reading Add a comment 25/08/2010
Tags: commitment, dating, friendship, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, love, relationships, reliability, single, Social 8, trustworthy
Tip for newly single men
Recently I have met many men who are in the early stages of having separated from a partner. Each of these men felt ready to get out and meet new people. They were hoping to be dating soon and yet each of these beautiful people were still carrying a lot of emotion, pain and hurt from the ending of their relationships….
Continue Reading Add a comment 24/08/2010
Tags: dating, divorced, help, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, lonely, love, men, separated, single, Social 8
Building resilience to get what you want
So often I see people who are so scared of being hurt that they allow these potential feelings to stop them achieving what it is they are desiring. Building resilience and overcoming the fear of failure is a key to giving you the opportunity to go after what you are desiring….
Continue Reading Add a comment 23/08/2010
Tags: dating, failture, fear, fear of failure, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, love, rejection, resilience, single, Social 8
When the past is revisited in person
There is that moment of surprise when someone from your past contacts you out of the blue. That same person who hurt you incredibly and now you have a chance to assess how you feel about that person….
Continue Reading Add a comment 20/08/2010
Tags: adelaide, anger, friendship, happiness, healing, healing the past, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, love, pain. hurt, past, single, Social 8, the past
I don’t care what your story is!
You are worthy! I hear so many stories of why someone is not in a loving relationship when they desire to be in one. I hear about the person who is too old, the one who is not sophisticated enough, the one who is not emotionally connected, the one who is not interesting enough, the one who is not pretty enough, the one who is …
Continue Reading Add a comment 19/08/2010
Tags: adelaide, dinners, happiness, Jane Donovan, janes love shack, joy, love, peace, self worth, single. dating, singles, social, Social 8
